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About Literature / Hobbyist uuuuhhhmmmm32/Female/United States Groups :iconelocutionists: Elocutionists
Artists of the Spoken Word
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Hfeather53
uuuuhhhmmmm
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States

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89  Freedom st by shazzackeleeladybird I by AndreasWelt34.365 Hibernation by forever-just-jessNever gonna leave this bed. by Gingershots
jump to love by kargapolovRHey by HeySunTrue Fantasy with Masha Masquerade by JMPhotography35varius by sorny


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dismantle me.
maybe i'm still good for spare parts
rip me apart; limb from limb.
perhaps someone has a use for rusted hearts
my brain is overclocked and working out ways to make use of me
but i can't think of any
so take that too, please
use it.
use it in a way i couldn't
take my eyes and give them new sight
something other than salt
than disappointment
take them everywhere they wanted to go
ireland, scotland, new york, australia
colorado
give them green
green georgia again
take my hands and please
please take care of them.
let them have the love they've always wanted
let them hold something other than my wounded spirit
my wounded flesh
take my feet and let them dance the dances they've skipped out on
take my stomach
take the rocks in it too.
take my lips and let them speak
my god, let them say every single fucking word
that i ever kept to myself to save someone else,
and save yourself.
save yourself
and if you find your way
send someone to save me too
you really fucking wrecked me, you asshole.
i put up with you breaking up with me time... after time... after time because you were unsure of yourself, of what you wanted, of whether you could hold your dick in your pants long enough to wait for me... of me...
you said horribly hurtful things to me when you were angry. you ripped me heart out time after time after fucking countless time and i still kept putting it back in your hands.
but you were it.
what we had, when it was good, it was the best fucking thing i've ever tasted and i'm fucking wrecked. now that i've had it i can't imagine living any other way.
you hurt me so bad.
i don't think you understand the level of trust and care i put in your hands... the delicate nature of everything we had together... and how a moment of anger from you was enough to rip it all apart.
it was like you were constantly contradicting yourself by telling me you loved me but then acting like such an asshole and throwing tantrums because i had friends for ONCE in our relationship and a job and a life... a life i was busy working towards putting ours together. you were too busy being afraid.
being afraid of everything that you thought you were... and maybe some of the things you actually were... when you were angry.
i do not regret sleeping with another man after you broke my heart with your angry words and broke up with me for the umpteenth time that month. after you hung up on me i spent hours crying and crying and wondering whether you'd call like you always did the next morning.
but this time felt different.
you were getting angrier and angrier with me.
i could feel us drifting.
i couldn't fix us alone and you wouldn't come clean with whatever it was that was bothering you.
you didn't trust me.
after nearly two and a half years of us, of everything, you didn't trust me. couldn't.
after countless nights of me trying to reassure, trying to PROVE myself to you... still. couldn't. trust. me.
i do not regret leaving you. i do not regret telling you the truth. i only regret that my heart knows what it knows and that it knows it's ruined.
i can't imagine relationships like ours come around very often.
i didn't try to kill myself because you told me i should, by the way. though i thought about it, and i still do.
there is a tiny piece of me that regrets hurting you the way i did. i knew it was the only way you wouldn't want me anymore. and i couldn't live with you hurting me and breaking our trust again and again by breaking up with me.
so the thousand heartbreaks you were spared, the tiny slivers that broke and slipped away with every angry, hurtful, bitter word that slipped from your tongue, the heart that died slowly was mine.
i think it's much easier to rip a bandaid off in a single pull.
i think the same for heartache, now.
1,283 deviations
i am here.

i am distracting myself from thoughts mostly.

i tried to kill myself this month.

my parents let me stay with them for a month which will be up soonish.

i haven't found a job yet. i find out about unemployment on november the second unless i can get a sooner phone appointment.

i'm really tired of feeling like life is too much. like i'm too stupid.

why do i keep handing myself over to people that mistreat me?

why doesn't anyone in my family understand how hard it is for me to get out of bed every day?

why are people so judgemental about me being on prescriptions and why do i let those people talk me into stopping?

i find myself willing to throw away everything for other people... but the people i'd throw everything away for wouldn't do the same for me. maybe that means there's something wrong with me... maybe i just haven't been able to see it until now. maybe i shouldn't be willing to put that much trust or faith in someone. maybe i shouldn't be that optimistic about people or relationships... or love.

to all the assholes i've been with:

fuck you. trip on a bag of dicks.
i didn't try to kill myself because i couldn't live without you... 

i'm just tired of living with myself.
dismantle me.
maybe i'm still good for spare parts
rip me apart; limb from limb.
perhaps someone has a use for rusted hearts
my brain is overclocked and working out ways to make use of me
but i can't think of any
so take that too, please
use it.
use it in a way i couldn't
take my eyes and give them new sight
something other than salt
than disappointment
take them everywhere they wanted to go
ireland, scotland, new york, australia
colorado
give them green
green georgia again
take my hands and please
please take care of them.
let them have the love they've always wanted
let them hold something other than my wounded spirit
my wounded flesh
take my feet and let them dance the dances they've skipped out on
take my stomach
take the rocks in it too.
take my lips and let them speak
my god, let them say every single fucking word
that i ever kept to myself to save someone else,
and save yourself.
save yourself
and if you find your way
send someone to save me too

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:iconwinterofthesoul:
WinteroftheSoul Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2015
Hey Heather, I know this is gonna seem kinda random (what with me usually being Mr. Silent Watcher and all) but...how are you?
Reply
:iconladylincoln:
LadyLincoln Featured By Owner May 25, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Happy birthday, lovely. :heart:
Reply
:iconithaswhatitisnt:
ithaswhatitisnt Featured By Owner May 25, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Happy birthday! :tighthug: :heart: :iconrainbowcakeplz:
Reply
:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner May 25, 2015   Writer
Hey, happy birthday! I miss you and I hope you're doing well. :glomp:

Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2015   General Artist
hello there, lovely person! :huggle:
this is to inform you that i have made use of one of the titles of your poetry in my title poem over here: fav.me/d8d65gn :love:
i hope that this is alright with you, pray that you enjoy the read, and thank you for your inspirational artistry! :eager: <3
Reply
:iconbraxton-t-rutledge:
Braxton-T-Rutledge Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2014
Just so you know, we miss reading
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(1 Reply)
:icontinyqueen007:
tinyqueen007 Featured By Owner May 26, 2014  Student Writer
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happy birthday on may 25
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(1 Reply)
:iconladylincoln:
LadyLincoln Featured By Owner May 25, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Happy birthday, sweetheart. I hope your day was beautiful :heart:
Reply
(1 Reply)
:icon91816119:
91816119 Featured By Owner May 25, 2014   Writer
Happy birthday, sweetie! Have a fantastic day. :heart:

:cake:
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(1 Reply)
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