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Submitted on
December 12, 2012
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(Contains: sexual themes)
I was crafted for touch -
purposeful indentations left
to be filled with needing fingers,
starving mouth, and
wanting flesh

I-
puzzle of skin,
ache to be pieced
and discovered
with all of my riddler's
mysteries

my eyes, full of
ferocious "please"
wide and speckled,
pull towards light
begging it to blind me
from all inadequacies
in every hollow piece
destined for my being

scrupulous ears
press against your lips
urging release
of careful breath
never before -
earmark now seen

sweet nexus, remedy, key -
promising salve to unhinge me
and arms to hedge me;
you've unraveled me

I nest in oaths,
images of sheltering eyes,
and the knowing I too
am your crux

together -
now whole
comments and feedback are always welcome~


written for :iconsovereignsin:
you know me better than anyone has or will
Add a Comment:
 

Daily Deviation

Given 2013-02-24
why we're made with holes by *Hfeather53 ( Suggested by alapip and Featured by Beccalicious )
:iconmattvoscinar:
Hello Heather, good to see another piece from you. I moved this into DA-Poets critique folder because while this piece has amazing vision, there are things that can be done to make read more fluidly, make it more crisp, and make it more poignant. I feel with some edits that this could be a wonderful addition to the featured folder.

Stanza 1: I would consider removing the word "wanting." The rest punches, but all of the adjectives kind of shout at the reader by that work. Removing it would make the reading more concise and allow you to end on a one word line, which I am a fan of.

Stanza 2: I'm not sure why you started the stanza with a fragment. I would add an "A" before puzzle so that it reads grammatically. While grammar can be ousted in poems, there's really no reason for it here. I also don't understand "riddler's mystery."

Stanza 3: I want to ask a question: "Please" what? I think adding here rather than omitting would add clarity to the piece. I would also remove "hollow." It makes it a more powerful line.

Stanza 4: Again, not sure why the fragment. Place an "an" in front of earmark.

Stanza 5: I would omit the second line. It sounds like too much to me with the eye description and such.

Stanza 6: I would personally omit this. Being someone's crux
is enough to end this poem on (as is the fantastic stanza) and helps you avoid what is a highly overused phrase.

Remember, these are only suggestions. It is YOUR decision to change these parts and yours alone. Cheers!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
31 out of 40 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconmrcbax:
mrcbax Jan 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This is some lovely work, I enjoyed it much, thank you for sharing :)
Reply
:iconhfeather53:
Hfeather53 Jan 18, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thank you (=
Reply
:iconmrcbax:
mrcbax Jan 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome, hope you have a great morning :)
Reply
:iconthe-solimnludic:
the-solimnludic Jun 28, 2013  Student General Artist
I just want to say I've always loved the idea of puzzle pieces...and things like that.

Here is my mini constructive-criticism: One thing I'm not sure of, what does the "never before - " pertain to in stanza #4? And besides for maybe putting an "an" in front of "earmark", and perhaps omitting "images of sheltering eyes", I do not agree with the critique you've been given. The overused "together - now whole" is essential for the impact of this piece, in my opinion. I see an image of two bodies fitting into each other as intricately as a lock into its keyhole. I saw other people say "hole to whole" which I didn't catch at first. Love wordplay like that.

How you sort of merged the puzzles, riddles, holes..with this theme of sex is ingenious. This sort of answers the question, "why is it so natural to feel sexual desire?"

I just love the organic and very poetical presentation of this piece.

Absolutely congratulations on the Daily Deviation!
Reply
:iconhfeather53:
Hfeather53 Jun 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much. Never before was kind of meant for both what went before and after... it's a very personal piece and was written for someone special and there's meaning behind that part in particular (:
Reply
:iconthe-solimnludic:
the-solimnludic Jun 29, 2013  Student General Artist
You're very welcome.

Ah, I see. I won't question it then. C:
Reply
:iconhfeather53:
Hfeather53 Jun 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, no it's fine... I was basically referring to not liking the idea of my ears being touched or messed with... they're really sensitive... and for the first time ever, it feels like someone understands me and accepts me for who I am. Dunno if that helps?
Reply
:iconthe-solimnludic:
the-solimnludic Jun 30, 2013  Student General Artist
Oh. I see...interesting, yeah, it helped!
Reply
:iconskyeyedangel:
wow you have done such a good job here im very impressed
Reply
:iconhfeather53:
Hfeather53 Mar 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
That's sweet of you. Thank you.
Reply
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